Church Bake Sales

Long ago when a church announced that was having a bake sale, people flocked to the stalls because they knew they would be getting the best, all home made – breads, cakes, drinks and various snacks and other goodies. Food like your mother, aunt, and grandmother use to make.  I remember that some people would not cook because they would be buying food from the bake sale, it was that good. These days however, that is not so. The standard of cooking has dropped, drastically. It’s either that these crop of “church ladies” don’t know how to cook or they can’t be bothered; they figure that as long as they are selling it under the banner of the church, sales are guaranteed because the funds are always for a worthy cause.

 I would prefer they ask me for a monetary donation than subject me to what they call food. And please do not think that I am being a food snob because I am not. Let me tell you what I experienced last Saturday.

 It was announced that immediately following mass, the ladies of …. would be having a bake sale – fish cakes, sweet breads etc. I decided that for my evening meal, I would have whatever I bought from the sale. I ordered 6 fish cakes, the sweet bread, golden brown with dark raisins tempted me so I bought one. I enquired about the homemade drinks in the cooler. They had mauby – my favourite drink. I asked the man in charge of the drinks if the mauby was homemade, he said, “yes”. I asked if it was made from the bark or syrup, he insisted it was homemade. I bought 2 bottles.

The smell of the food in the car was driving me crazy, I was so hungry. I could not reach home fas enough. As soon as I got indoors I tore into the bag of fish cakes, taking a big bite, chewing and chewing – flour, all flour, not a hint of seasoning, no salt fish! I bit into two others, the same thing. I put the salt fish aside bristling with anger. I cut into the sweet bread. I tasted spiced, baked flour. No coconut, no butter, I am not even sure it had any eggs. The sweet bread was dry, dry, dry. Against my better judgement, I bit into it, so as not to choke, I quickly reached for the mauby. What entered my mouth was thick and sickly sweet. Ugghhhh. I quickly swallowed everything and reached for a large glass of ice cold water. What was that, I thought, my anger quickly turing to frustration. What is wrong with these people, how can they with good conscience sell this stuff?